I’d Like to Know: Parsnips

Who on the planet pulled a parsnip from the ground and thought, “Hmm. This looks good. Let’s eat!”?

Perhaps one of the ugliest of all root vegetables, parsnips are downright unappealing as a potential food item. No wonder all recommendations are to cube these suckers into small bits and cook them to death!

While they might go well in a stew, this cousin of wax-covered chalk, with a consistency of rolled up carpet, has managed to maintain its prominence in the produce section of grocery stores everywhere for…well…ever!

What’s worse, they came packaged in a bundle of six. SIX! I used three in a stew that called for two. I think I could put the balance of my parsnip inventory in a dark corner of the basement and forget them until next year – and they’d still be perfectly ready to be peeled and cooked.

The upside to parsnips come in its nutritional value. They have a great amount of potassium, although I prefer bananas during a lengthy bike ride to one of these dead clammy roots. They’re also mildly loaded with carbs.

And what nimble root veggie scientist looked at this and named it a parsnip? Did it remind him/her of a pair of nipples? Is it really pinsrap in disguise? At least the sweet potato has a meaningful name. It looks like a potato and it has a sweet taste. But “parsnip?” I’m stumped!

Coming up next, the sexuality of eggplant.

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Truth in Advertising

I’ve always been one to believe first and foremost in the people who inhabit the world around me. What’s the CSI saying, “Trust, then verify.”

Take advertising, as an example. I believe that Clorox Wipes will kill bacteria. I believe that the Bose Wave music system offers a premium way in which to listen to music. I believe that Toyota’s hybrid vehicles use less gas and are eco-friendly. I have no experience with these well-branded consumer goods, but I choose to believe the premise for their existence.

This is not to say I’m a gullible Gus. When something doesn’t sound or feel right; when the tea leaves don’t really make sense; and when the obvious truth overshadows a statement made, I have radar that sends me into “yellow” and even “orange” alert status.

When politicians talk, I’m always on alert. I’m aware that the likes of Hill and Obama will pretty much say anything to gather the support they need. By the very nature of someone running for office, they may have good plans and intentions in mind, but like a circus tent pitch man, they’ll still say most anything to win office – only to find out they’re hamstrung by the mess made by their predecessor. One has to admire those willing to “make a difference” this election year given the piles of steaming shit the Bush administration is leaving in the West Wing, for example.

Which brings me to my point in this post.

Be yourself on all fronts. After all, who are you trying to impress? The boss who’d sooner hear all your ideas and claim and take credit for the best ones himself? The parents who will never get over their disappointment when you chose to major in English instead of Law? The girlfriend, who only really wants to know the true blue you anyway – and sees through all your hyperbole and innuendo without blinking?

If you tell me you are this or that, you damn well better be that. As adults, aren’t you tired of the ninth grade posturing made to befriend the most popular or “coolest” kid in class. That just doesn’t translate well after high school and is certainly an unattractive attribute to wear on your sleeve.

Truth makes it easier, not harder, to love each other, and appreciate all our big hairy differences. So let’s fall on the truth and spend the balance of our time making small differences in our worlds.

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