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Archive for September 27th, 2007

Much has been written on Senator Larry Craig’s ability to stare awkwardly through cracks, toe tap and give improper hand signals. I once found myself on the receiving *cough* end of a similar situation. 

Allow me to explain.

When I was 16, someone (perhaps Senator Craig), gave me hand signals from a mall restroom stall where he sat.  You see, while in high school I worked part time at a drug store located in a shopping mall. It was an old mall on the north end of town. A mall that had more store vacancies than actual retail outlets doing business.  The drug store where I worked was a center of activity at the mall, along with the Younkers department store.

RestroomPublic restrooms at malls are always tucked into nooks, hiding behind dimly lit corners. I suppose that’s why certain people attempt to get their freak on in them.  (I shudder at this, because a public restroom is SO completely and disgustingly filthy and therefore how is that atmosphere remotely condusive to doing anything sexual?)

So there I was. All of 16, standing at a urinal wearing my blue drug store vest doing my business. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a hand appear from under a stall wall. The hand is palm up and wagging side to side. The faceless dude with the hand under his stall wall says nothing. No grunting. No audible sounds whatsoever. Standing there, I have the urge to piss on this jackass’s hand. But he’d probably like that too much. So I zip up and leave.

I never went back to that particular mall restroom. The thought of someone lying in wait to do the nasty with a teenage boy freaked me out a bit too much. And I’m particularly thankful that I was never able to match a face with that hand I saw in my peripheral vision. What if it had been the mayor, the police chief, the Catholic priest, or the pharmacist at the drug store where I worked! 

Awkwarddddddddd!!!

-end-

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