Archive for January 9th, 2009

I’ve experienced love.

There was the first love – a crash course in coping with feelings and emotions and discovery. It included moments of intense happiness, anger and jealousy and selfless giving as we both attempted to understand how humans think, act and react. It was as much a coming of age as any first love could have provided.

There was the need-based love. One in which I was young and afraid to be on my own in life. Loving someone who offered security and safety, and who paid attention to my needs, made perfect sense. It was a love glued together by the sheer need to survive each day, pay the bills, feed the kids, work hard for very little, and rise the next morning to do it all over again.

Then came the wanting love. The lust-filled, up all night, reckless, obsessive love. Founded on ill-conceived reasoning, we overlooked the clear and present differences among us, refused to talk about anything that may upset the carnival ride, and convinced ourselves we could conquer anything. This fire cracker, chemically imbalanced love was a house built on stilts facing a hurricane force wind at every turn.

No one has the mystery mastered. Only God knows why some couples make their love – as dysfunctional as it may seem to the observer – last for their lifetimes, while others cut and run at the first sign of marital unbliss.

So when love starts to re-emote from the heart, careful examination is the prudent response.  The gentle tugs, the loss of appetite, the chills, and time spent in thought appear suspect. But eventually, you embrace the seconds and minutes that play out in your head.

Our personal Book of Love serves as a guide of sorts. In its contents we’re reminded neither the naivete of first love, nor need-based or hot-lusting love alone sustains us. The love we want is one in which we know whomever we’re with not only accepts every ding and dent in the armor, but caresses these scars for the meaning in each one. It’s created on a whole-hearted desire to walk, run and ride with one another and watch each others’ backs in a way no one else will. And it features a click of happiness, passion and satedness that doesn’t dwindle when the waves get choppy.

Risk, rinse and repeat daily.


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